Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s third TV series, his most famous, is River Cottage. There are actually lots of them but so far I have watched the original ones, Escape to River Cottage, Return to River Cottage and River Cottage Forever.

This follows him packing up his life in London and moving to Dorset to live as a smallholder – that is someone who has a small farm, primarily used for self subsistence. Each series follows a year.

He seems to be well versed in rural life already. While he clearly isn’t a livestock expert, he does manage to keep them alive and seems familiar with a lot of activities I would not be, such as diving, butchery, smoking meat and wielding a gun. He also manages the first two years in a soft-top classic sports car, before finally giving in and buying a Land Rover (also a soft-top).

I did wonder how real it was. For example he talks about going to do a farmers market to raise some cash for a little project he has on. But was does the £100 actually cover? Presumably not his rent, his vet’s bills, or the large amount of food he buys in to supplement his own stocks. Fun to watch, but I got the distinct impression that undertaking such a project was not actually in the reach of us plebs, despite Hugh’s assertion that we could all do it.

It’s not really a cooking show. He cooks things obviously, but I did not come away with any recipe ideas. It’s just fun to watch (and it is very entertaining), and possible dream.

Oh Mr. Fearnley-Whittingstall. My hero, my idol, for at least the past two months. How much damage you can do with two comments.

River Cottage: Pig in a Day is a course run at River Cottage HQ to teach people how to butcher a big. They then translated it into a two hour DVD. The DVD starts with a really nice section on keeping your own pigs and what fun they can be, before showing footage of sawing through a head and butchering the entire body of a dead one.

There were however two bits that annoyed me. Firstly, Hugh said the only real health problem he gets with his pigs were coughs and colds, that he treats with homoeopathic remedies. Boo! What a confidence knock in an otherwise sensible man.

Though this does have the advantage that you can clearly just ignore colds because they will go away by themselves. Or does it? This brings up an interesting question as to whether placebo works on animals. RationalWiki suggests that you can condition animals to get the benefit.

Secondly he referred to organic salt. What the fuck is organic salt? Presumably one with additives because you need to get the carbon in there somehow…

Anyway, that aside, the show really does embrace Hugh’s “nose to tail” philosophy as he calls it. They eat pretty much everything. I say pretty much because a bit of fat gets cut off, and the eyes come out. However, that is pretty much it. The organs are cooked, the trotters and tail are used for stock, and even the brain is fried up and scoffed.

It was a mildly interesting watch, but I’m not sure how much appeal it has. You are either a) do not have your own pigs, which seems very likely, so how relevant is the content? Or B) you do have your own pigs, in which case are you really going to try and butcher the entire thing based a DVD? If so, I tip my hat to you, you clearly have some balls. Specifically pig’s balls.

Given the amount of discussion regarding BBC’s new documentary about KFC, I felt I had to give the first episode a watch. Having worked in the industry for years, nothing on the documentary surprised me.

Obviously, there was good and bad. There is a culture of recognition and many of the senior people were talking about how they had been there 20 years and started as a crew member. As for the chicken itself, are you comfortable that your friend chicken was grown in a shed for 35-42 days and then put into a gas chamber? It turns out, that I am.

Here are some of the best quotes…

The thing is, it’s chicken, so it’s healthy

Scientifically proven.

I don’t any meat on the bone. It sort of puts me off because it’s like that was the animal.

There is nothing I can add to this.

Unless you’re really clever, then you’ll end up in Pizza Hut

That’s my highest aspiration too.

Who will buy a house that is opposite a KFC?

I’m sure she meant to say who wouldn’t.

Five years on from starting River Cottage, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall up-scales, buying himself a much larger farm and a second one that he converts into the River Cottage HQ – a field kitchen, cookery school and vegetable garden all rolled into one.

It’s an irritatingly cool thing to do. Starting up a business or project is always an exciting thing to do, let alone the opportunity to be unjustifiably pretentious about food.

It’s also nice to see a human side to Hugh. In the first set of River Cottage series, he tends to succeed at everything. Turning up to livestock and vegetable shows and winning prizes with no experience. There is still plenty of that, but he also struggles from time to time. He burns his toffee and gets caught out in the judging. He runs out of oven space to cook all his chickens, and Gill has to save the day.

His ten bird roast was also very impressive. Goose, farm duck, mallard, chicken, pheasant, guinea fowl, partridge, pigeon and woodcock, all stuffed inside a turkey.

How dull.

Where exactly was the debate? There were a few topics, each candidate then said what they stood for in turn. That isn’t a debate. Has nobody who conceived of this show actually seen a debate or understood what a debate is?

There was a bit of back and forth between the candidates, but nobody really got to the meat of it. There were no real discussions of the advantages or disadvantages of different policies.

Nobody even said that much about their policies. If you didn’t already know what each party stood for, would you have watching that? Think of all the Green policies for example. They were hardly mentioned throughout the two hours.

Two of the candidates are not even fielding candidates in most of the country. According to The Guardian, one of the most popular questions after the debate was “can I vote SNP in England?” The answer is no.

Thus the SNP seemed mainly there to chip in “we’ve already done that” when an English politician put forward a good idea. That should probably be a wake-up call – we do trail Scotland on hospital parking charges, prescription charges and preventing letting agents from charing unscrupulous fees.

The one thing that Nigel Farage got right was that he was the only person saying something different. As person after person trailed out the message “we want immigration and to be part of Europe, but we want tighter controls on it”. Their answers blurred into one. Farage was the only person with something different to say. Is that the debate we wanted? One where Farage, king of the bigots, is the one offering an alternative?

Everyone else was too scared to step out of line. Nick Clegg pushed the boat out by asking the rich to pay “a little bit more.” It would have been far better if Natalie Bennett had at this point screamed “we’re going to make the rich pay loads more!” and Cameron to jam in “I think my friends pay quite enough.” But they didn’t.

In summary then, it felt like a complete waste of my time to watch it. Maybe we would be better to have a two party system with the ghost of John Stuart Mill running one party and Arthur Scargill running the other.

Louis Theroux’s second documentary to arrive this year is “Transgender Kids”, a look at children who are transitioning.

It makes sense. Louis voices the question many people think at first – “what if we’re wrong?” It’s true that some changes are irreversible; you can only go through puberty once. However, as the doctor points out, we know the risks of not allowing people to transition. In contrast, we don’t have much evidence as to how many people transition back to their birth-assigned gender, and I’ve never heard of it.

Theroux has previously been accused by some critics of poking the bear with unjustifiably probing questions, or using the same tired format of looking dough-eyed into the camera while he watches people’s struggles. However, I saw none of that in this documentary. It was carried out carefully, bringing insight into a topic without leading the audience.

TV Dinners is a show in which Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall investigating people’s dinner parties. Sort of.

As far as I can tell, it seems to be a show where Hugh travels round the country making fun of posh people. To me, the message seems to be “your life might have problems, but at least you didn’t spend nine months waiting for a custom-made table and multi-coloured chairs, and then make individual desserts for each colour, served by two hired waiters.”

And it goes on. There are men so obsessed with chilli that they put it in everything and brew their own chilli beer. This is all combined to make their wives their tenth wedding anniversary meal. The woman who goes to Harvey Nichols to get bones for her stock. The racing enthusiasts that hand out forfeits for forgetting to wear a club tie.

Of course it could be that you are incredibly clever and sophisticated if you throw a Futurist dinner party in which you blindfold your guests for the entrées, have a fish course that is just for smelling before going in the bin, and having a communal dessert that you all lick because cutlery is banned. However, I think we also need to face the possibility that you might also be a complete twat.

Luckily, there was a Yorkshireman to the rescue. He had a great recipe for puddings (I haven’t tasted them, but I’m judging it on proximity to my recipe) and when Hugh asked what he was going to do with his roasting joint, he replied that he was going to cook it. No fuss, just great meat. Champion.

…until you realise it is actually about Kif being repeatedly raped. Then it’s less funny.

Fertility treatment can have a number of side effects. One of which is that it can work too well. This is what The Gosselins found out when they decided to add one more to their twin girls – and got an extra six!

Someone recommended it to me I watched the one hour special and a few of the 23-minute episodes out of morbid curiosity. They seem to cope very well. Their shopping is done at a wholesalers and they drive a full-size van but otherwise they live isn’t too crazy.

I imagine the family adapts. For example Kate sleeps in until 8am! Jon having already gone to work by this point. I didn’t think parents got to do that, let alone when you have eight kids. That is not to say it does not look like hard work – they pretty much have no other life, obviously.

They do totally cash in when they go to Shady Maple (a buffet restaurant). Under 4’s eat free!

Aside from the entertainment, the show might actually provide a useful purpose too. As Kate points out when they are invited onto a TV chat show, if they can cope with eight, it must give new and prospective parents hope that they can cope with one.

The Dales is a documentary, but I use that term loosely, as it was created by ITV.

It opens with rolling shots and dramatic music. Adrian Edmondson announces he is going to tell us all about this unforgiving place. “Remote communities, isolated farms.” Really? Yorkshire? I’m sure it can be hard, but I’m not convinced it is Lapland, or even the Isle of Lewis.

Despite what Google Maps might suggest:

There is no doubt it is a beautiful part of the world though.

It follows a number of people around including a community-owned pub, a 16-year-old boy who has just quit school to work on his family farm full time, a village brass band and even the local vicar. She doesn’t take herself too seriously:

“The end of the day is feet up with a bottle of beer and a bag of crips”

Probably for the best. She had 8 people at a service, which is a good day apparently, and with no music to sing to all the hymns are a cappella.

Overall it is very light hearted. There is no serious revelations of dramatic problems, just a fun look at some of the interesting people that live in The Dales intercut with shots of Adrian Edmondson looking at beautiful scenery as if he is Brian Cox.

Conveniently, it is available on iTunes for about £8.

We’ve been watching the TV show Humans. I got it on iTunes series link, in which you pay a couple of pounds more and get all future episodes too. So they better actually make this second series! It was a good chance to dust off my Apple TV.

It is a pretty weird show. It’s partly a science fiction exploring the idea of a future in which most labour is done by robots, and the consequences of sentient robots. However, it is also partly a family drama about the twists and turns of every day life.

This makes it feel a bit stupid. It’s like if a character out of Coronation Street decided to blackmail MI5. Even with my suspended disbelief I thought this was just a ridiculous way to go.

Nonsense aside though, it remains enjoyable overall. Any TV show that references Asmiov is going to pick up points. The story lines connect together a pace that moves fast enough to keep you interested. Plus it’s funny watching Jen from the IT Crowd trying to interact with a comp-ut-or.

Up until this week, I feel like it has been easy pickings for the judges. Stu, Dorret, Sandy and Marie were obvious choices to leave the tent. As of week five though, things have started to get tough.

This week we lost Ugne. It’s a shame to lose the new Chetna this early on. She did some brave things and they consistently came off. Just not consistently enough to save her from elimination. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she was kicked off the Great British Bake Off because it’s a racist show that gets rid of foreigners. I’m not saying that…

I’m actually not. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the remaining contestants:

Alvin

Alvin has had some bad bakes. Watching him cry at his pile of build-it-yourself box pieces was heartbreaking. Then other times he is finished in half the time and sitting around waiting. He does consistently produce excellent flavours though, so I think will hang on in there as long as there are other less-than-perfect bakers. Whether he will go all the way though seems unlikely.

Flora

Ah, the token posh girl. She reminds me a lot of Martha from last year. A good solid baker, but a lack of flair and consistently will eventually be her downfall.

Ian

I can’t believe Paul described Ian as being in trouble. It would have been stupid to eliminate someone who had so far won three star bakers out of five. He is likeable and modest, definitely a potential winner.

Mat

Mat is not the most exciting baker in the world, but tends to perform consistently middle of the field. I think he will continue on until the competition gets really tough.

Nadiya

Yeah, go Nadiya, flying the flag for Leeds! If she can nail more of the technical challenges, she could be a potential winner too. Which makes sense given she is from the town that invented jelly tots and Thai gumbo.

Paul

Paul produces some incredible stuff. He had some shaky moments early on but could continue to improve and go a long way.

Tamal

Injecting cakes with a syringe? This man is amazing! Whether he can consistently deliver with enough flair though, I’m not sold.

Predictions

If I have learned anything from the books I have been reading it is that predictions are almost certainly going to be hopelessly wrong. However, that is the fun. Here are my top three potential leavers this week:

• Tamal
• Flora
• Alvin

Two weeks on from my Week 5 post and we have just had to endure the heartbreak of losing Mat from the tent. He was so lovely. It made me sad.

The week before we lost Alvin. Another lovely guy, though obvious choice for elimination. After that is when the competition got really tough, and as I discussed last time, this was always when Mat was going to struggle. To go from Star Baker to out though is pretty harsh.

Here are my power rankings for Week 7.

1. Tamal

Wow was I wrong on this one. Two weeks later and he has had two excellent weeks. His creations have continued to impress and winning Star Baker this week was well deserved and a clear choice. If he continues on this form it will be a struggle to beat him.

2. Ian

A couple of dangerous weeks for Ian but his show stopper demonstrated that he can work magic. He actually seems to do better when we pushes the boat out than when he plays it safe. Hopefully he will realise that and keep pushing it.

3. Nadiya

Go Leeds! I don’t think Nadiya is a likely candidate to win as her performance is a little too inconsistent. However, I think if things stay as they are she could easily earn herself a place in the final.

4. Paul

Paul has had a tough few weeks. He produced some amazing stuff early on but mistakes have really let him down. He does not strike me as mediocre baker though – I think he will go big or go home, and either is clear possibility.

5. Flora

Flora is lovely. However, she is not going to win. Her bakes are just not as good as the competition. So despite being clear of elimination this week, she falls at the bottom of my list. She could find herself in the final, but only by virtue of Paul having a nightmare one week and Nadiya having one the other. Without coasting through though, it will be all over.

Aww no, not Paul! Weeks and weeks and bakes and bakes after and we all still remember the lion. Eliminating Paul was the wrong decision in my opinion. He definitely had bad days. However, on the good days he showed real flare, creativity and skill.

Here are my power rankings for week 8.

1. Tamal

Tamal did not do the double for Star Baker this week, but he was up there. He soon recovered him his shaky start to put in another consistent performance with excellent flavours throughout his bakes. So for me, he still maintains his number one spot.

2. Nadiya

Obviously an excellent for Nadiya willing Star Baker, so moves up one place from last week. Now is the time to get hot, so things are looking good for her.

3. Ian

Only a week after I said Ian does well when he goes bold and not-so-well when he doesn’t, he goes bold with his two different kinds of pastry and things do not go well. Whether he did this deliberately to prove most pundit predictions are nonsense, I do not know. he needs another consistent weekend to secure him a place in the final.

4. Flora

Flora’s bakes are consistently boring. They might have a lot of fancy touches on them, but the core bake cannot match the flare of the other bakers. She also achieves consistently mediocre results. Lovely as she is, can you honestly imagine her winning Bake Off? I can’t, which makes her an obvious candidate for elimination.

Sky Sports recently ran a competition to be a presenter for some behind the scenes coverage of the British Masters. I thought it would be a laugh to enter.

Turns out I am not a fun person. But I am a person with a weird eye twitch. The camera likes that kind of thing, right?

It is too easy to get emotionally involved with Bake Off. I have been saying Flora should go for a while now, and she was the right choice. But it was still heartbreaking to watch. There are no bad bakers here. Look at the technical. Everyone pulled off a reasonable chocolate soufflé. It might have had lumps in it. However, if I had tried to make one, it would almost certainly end in a fire.

Here are my power rankings for week nine…

1. Nadiya

Go Leeds! After another Star Baker award you have to give Nadiya some credit. Importantly, the fact that she achieved that even after coming last in the technical shows that she had survive having a bad round and still bring it home. It may well be that sings are so close now that coming last in a round does not have that much meaning.

If she did win it would be a second year in a row for Yorkshire as last year’s winner, Nancy, was from Hull.

2. Tamal

Still consistently performing on the home stretch, Tamal is in with an excellent chance. Especially if Nadiya does have a bad technical it is likely that Tamal will be right there to take the glory.

Again, referencing last year, one of the things that the judges said about Nancy was that she consistently performed throughout her time on Bake Off. Tamal has had one or two dips, but certainly recently he has put in solid bake after bake, so starts from a very strong position.

3. Ian

Ian shows creatively and excellent preparation, and offers some wonderful flavours. He has come up a little less consistent than the competition though so I think he would really have to nail it to take the crown.

Good, not great. This New Year’s Day we were treated to a one off Sherlock special. Series four is due to start filming in April, and unlikely to air before next year.

The Abominable Bride is set in Victorian London. I was rather hesitant as to how this would work as, for me, much of the appeal of the show comes from it being a modern take. However, that was worked in reasonably well to fit with the format of the show.

The mystery itself was alright. I did not guess what was going to happen. How much I watch it on repeat over this year will probably be the real test of success though.

The Hairy Bikers in Finland? We had to watch that, of course. We also watched the Swedish episodes for good measure.

I had never seen The Hairy Bikers before I watched it. I have mixed feelings. At first I was put off by the somewhat low-brow comments and humour they seem to display. But I have since warmed to them, and both Elina and I agreed that they did a good job of representing Finland.

Scandimania is a 3-part TV series in which Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall visits Sweden, Denmark and Norway to investigate their cuisine.

There is no Finland, but that makes sense given how much duplication there would be with the Swedish episode. While it is in theory about food, it more reflects Hugh’s views on conservation and sustainability. Some of it goes rather darker: discrimination in Sweden, crime drama in Denmark and Anders Breivik in Norway.

Each episode bases itself around a concept of modesty and simplicity. ‘Lagom’ means ‘just enough’ in Sweden. ‘Hygge’ means ‘coziness’ in Denmark. The Law of Jante teaches people to be humble in Norway. Perhaps this is another reason not to include Finland, who have ‘sisu’ which is all about having the stoic determination and guts to beat the Russians – probably not quite the character the show’s producers had in mind.

All of this means that there isn’t actually that much discussion of food. Therefore, while it was interesting, I think the Hairy Bikers did a better job of exploring Nordic cuisine.

Over the past five years my DVD collection has been reducing in size as they were replaced by digital media. However, I kept hold of a few just in case the world suddenly jumped back a decade. Now though, with increased pressure to find spaces for my books, I have come to the conclusion that they all have to go. Even my complete set of Dawson’s Creek DVDs, including the special series finale DVD. Farewell Mr Leery, see you on the iTunes Store.